Avoiding Communication Breakdowns

This is where communication breakdowns happen in relationships. 

Getting from here to there.

Stay with me here. 

Communication is the basis of ease, flow, safety, and trust in relationships.

Communication IS THE lubrication.

There is no amount of money, cock size, or amount of chivalrous gestures that will make up for poor, inconsistent, and wishy-washy communication. 

Clear, authentic, and safe communication is what will makes all other things work; the sex gets better, the laughter gets deeper, travel gets easier, and conflict decreases in both frequency and intensity.

What I see is that "conflict-initiated" conversation is how a lot couples communicate their needs, and that usually causes more conflict.

People will stuff things, avoid things, or deflect and then blow up at the seemingly littlest thing, and all the feelings, needs, or expressions that were stuffed explode all over the place like a water balloon filled with pine tar.

When communication is conflict-initiated, there is zero time or pause between trigger >>> reaction >>> attack/defend.

What happens is that nobody is really listening, one (or both) people are feeling dragged into something, and then one (or both) people go into a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. 

In order for things like non-violent communication or imago dialogue techniques to actually work you have to get to the point where you have the capacity to hold the trigger, pause, and respond with love, not ego. 

All the non-violent communication, all the imago dialogue, or active listening has no use if you can't get to them. 

The way to bridge that gap is to clear your body of trauma and stuck energy and learn to relate to and hold the pain, the stories that you're holding on to so that you can actually pause and respond, not be triggered and react. 

This is why somatic work, or body-set work, is so much more important than mind-set work.  

In order to communicate effectively, you have to have somatic body with space, aka capacity in your nervous system, to be able to hold yourself and your partner in whatever is coming up. 

When you can't hold that, you will react, it will get ugly, and you will have to do damage control for 3 days. 

To avoid communication breakdowns and feeling like your relationship is a trap, create space- first in your own body and then in the relationship culture to hold more.

When you’re ready to dive deeper into this journey of conscious masculinity, emotional healing, and true connection, reply to this email with the term "conscious masculinity"; I have 5 spots available for my 1-1 conscious masculinity mentorship.

With gratitude,